The next big thing

On January 1st 2011 I will be embarking on a journey.
After the disappointing year that has been 2010, an even more depressing and disappointing winter that began shortly after Christmas of 2009, a failure at a final attempt in school, a greater failure at work, making it work, and again at work, with a few adventures leading nowhere in the mix of it all, I have abandoned the traditional reasoning and lowered expectations of life by which most of us live; indeed, I have lived by (or tried anyway.) There exists a place in this world where everything goes well. Everything goes as planned. And everything comes as expected. Many have found just such a place in their lives. Some have found peace with pieces of it. And some have just found peace in what they know and have. Some have found peace. Then there are some. . . who never do. Never looking hard enough, not looking in the right places, maybe just blinded by their own ideals, ambition, or expectations, they wander on through what seems to be life- a life. Not mine. I am one of those who 'never do.' I've known for some time that life was not ever going to go as planned or expected. Not that I minded most of the time. In fact, if things didn't go wrong on occasion life was a terrible bore to me. But years pass as quickly as opportunities do, and soon we find ourselves looking on the future with eyes that have grown familiar to their past; no, embedded in their past. So deeply so, that whatever is seen no longer holds it's place in time, space, or even imagination. Everything now is one multifarious stew of life, viewed only with disdain by the soul. Heart loses its meaning. Love is unbearably out of reach. Hope fades. If you let it. Don't let it. Remove the lenses forged from the excrement of your past from off your eyes and see! Burn your eyes with the new. Follow your soul. As I intend to.

Once in a life time she comes along, removing titles from all others, and setting the bar beyond the rest. You have one chance; one chance to do everything right. Once chance that everything will be in place; aligned with some higher power- beyond yourself, beyond all else, and beyond any plans you have made. Nothing else matters up to this point in time. This is when everything starts . . . or ends. You will break. You will abandon. You will cower. No plan, no meaning, no vision you could have possibly imagined up to this point could hold any significance now. You’ll only know it when it happens. It didn’t exist before, not even in your most vague imaginings of love, or life beyond your own consciousness. Nothing existed before this. Even the very dust will be reborn, re-imagined. It will overtake you. And then, if conditions are right- if you do everything right . . . if every atom is aligned just so . . . she will either stay, or go.
And you will blame yourself for either outcome. Did I do enough? Didn’t I? Was it fate, or wasn’t it. Or is this? Have I known bliss merely for the knowledge of it? Or was this supposed to happen another way? Is this better?
If life is meant for lessons learned the hard way, and broken hearts so we can learn to get along while broken- endure, I want no part in it. I have lived life’s lessons, but I haven’t lived it. When does life begin again after tearing itself apart by new beginnings? When does the dust settle? Nothing else will matter after this. Let the truth be told.

Contest

http://www.myspace.com/seedpage?sproutId=vgBcNlaPMqWtMaIh


I've entered one of my songs into a contest.
Copy and past the link above into your brouser and tell your friends.

Mindee. . .(my latest song.)

what else can i do but give myself to you- and what else can i say- there has to be a way to fix this up- so here's your song for right or wrong- to say the words you never let me say- to say the words you never heard, tho' they were all i could ever say- I love you- I love you- I love you- I love you. . .