a response, and other words over dew... (about bubbles)

We all live in a bubble. Obviously not the same one. We all live in our own bubble. Generally speaking, we all see ourselves as we'd like to be rather than we are. I loved a girl once, a long time ago, but she never would believe it because I acted 'poorly'- and by poorly I mean abhorrently selfish, dishonest, and just a bastard. I regret it because I should. I remember that regret from time to time, not because I enjoy it, and not because I want to feel down on myself; but I remember it because I never want to be that way again. I don't trivialize it saying it wasn't meant to be, or that the time just wasn't right. Nope. I fucked it up. I hurt some one who never did anything to me. I took advantage of the good nature of some one who was willing to save me. I treated her like garbage and ruined our friendship. She never forgave me for that, not because she didn't want to, and not because I didn't ask; I did. She never forgave me because I never proved myself trustworthy to her after that. Efforts to maintain a friendship for me became efforts to prove myself, and for her became an added burden she could not bare for me any longer. However, she saved me just the same. Often times it is not simply our mistakes that help us grow, but our willingness to own up to them, and change. I made a promise, a covenant with God, a last effort to find some redemption when I stand at the end of my life looking back. I didn't vow to never be that way again. I didn't even vow to make it up to her (she wouldn't have wanted that.) The vow I made was much simpler, and so much more complex. I vowed that the next girl I met, that the next angel to come into my life, I would treat her as He would have me to do. And I kept that vow. I kept it when other's would lie to her; I was always honest. I kept it when other's told lies about her. I kept it when other's turned her against me with deceit. And when she didn't believe in herself, I believed in her. And when other's turned against her, when her family and friends where rivals with her, I was her friend. I was always her friend, even when she lied to me. I was even her friend when she betrayed that friendship. In all the times her pride and stubbornness stood between us I was still her friend. But I can't be her friend anymore. Why? Oh, because she acted poorly, and never had the guts to face it- to face me. (if you read this, and I know you will eventually- do your best not to be offended. You don't think I know you? Of course I do. The question you should be asking yourself is if you know me? Am I the friend you've known, or just some mistakes you made? Am I some one who'll stand by you through thick and thin, or was I just some desperate kid who needed affection, clinging to you for no other reason? Am I some one you can trust, and want to be trusted by, or is the relationship we built over three years just a phantom? Forgive me for being blunt, but if I didn't tell it like it is then what kind of friend am I really? If you never face your demons you will become them. Of course I wouldn't know anything about that- after all, I'm just stagnant. I haven't overcome anything, right? p.s. your writing is beautiful. I'm happy that you've found a little clarity in life, I remember numerous emails and letters of jumbled up words and fragmented thoughts. Much improvement.)