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I will die. I know. What will I leave behind but unfulfilled desires and spent aspiration? My legacy, so familiar, so common. . . forgotten. Too sad to recall, or too uninspiring. 

I wasn't supposed to be here at all. I gave up, threw in the towel, killed myself years ago- years before anyone would have questioned my forgotten life. I could have been so much. There could have been so much more; more to write; more to see; more to experience; to know; to love; more to lose. 

Death would have secured my legacy of missed opportunities. It would have ensured people remembered me as all the things I could have been.

But now, in life, outliving my design, where is all I could have been? Where is the music, the knowledge, the experience, losses & loves? Where are the aspirations and potential?

Squandered! A legacy lost. In life I am as common as I ever feared I would become. Too common to remember; too common to stand out. The years of life I never intended to have... they could have been so much more to remember. They could have been anything you wanted; I could have been anything you wanted to remember me as. But now, alive, the bar is so high for attention, for legacy, that I'd almost rather be forgotten entirely.

No legacy, no sadness, no loss. No more.

But I am here, God damn me! I am HERE! Alive. Should I die again and be all that which I never wanted to become? Should I give up again and resign myself to being a lost cause and hopeless case? Has potential passed out of me? Is there not always more to see, more to learn, more to love, regardless of who else knows it? Experience isn't for them. Legacy isn't for the record keepers. It's for those who live it and leave it behind. I was never here for you.

I will die. This I know. And I leave behind so much more than any mortal will ever know. Legacy isn't temporal after all. Legacy is eternal. It is not bound by this life or any rememberance in it. I am a triumph- nomatter what is remembered or forgotten. I am that I am! And I am eternal. My legacy is eternal. And etrrnal is so much more. More, infinitely so.

This God damned life- yes it is damned- damned to be mortal, damned to be temporal- is only a part of my story. It is not my legacy. For I will conquer this life. I will triumph over death. I will exist erernal no matter who knows it or remembers my life.

One cannot opt out of eternal. One cannot simply give up their legacy. It simply is. Who then should remember me but me? Who then should I quit on? 

I quit the world. I will not leave it defeated, forgotten. But I will leave it behind me. It will I forget.

Time is the great teacher. Borrowed time has the deepest lessons. But all time in this life is borrowed. But not all see. We are so much more than this life. We are more than everything ever forgotten by mortals, or ever known. Legacy cannot be found here. Neither can it be rememered in life. For it can only be seen from beyond the veil of death.

I will die. I aspire toward it. What will I leave behind- how will I be remembered? Nothing and not at all. I refuse to be remembered. I will wait to be known. I refuse to part myself out to this mortal machine. I will save the whole of me for the eternal, for legacy everlasting. 

I will use this borrowed time to remember who I am designated to be by my creator. God may damn this life. It is his to do so. I will not be damned of myself nor him for thinking it is mine. Mine is granted after death. And after death will I live my legacy. Rather than be remembered I will be known by all who matter; and forgotten by the forgot.