I’ve tried to write you- I try to message. . . But I can only look at an empty box where my words would be. After all, what can one say to the girl who has broken his heart? What will she hear? I love you- what’s the point in saying it. You know I love you. I miss you- I always miss you. You know that. Can I tell you I am broken? Without you- I feel broken. Or would anything I say just be a nuisance- a trouble to hear? I don’t want to trouble you. I just want to hold you. But I can’t say that either. Do you want to hear anything from me? Should I send this- or just let it be. Should I even dare write it for my own sake? Would you rather I say nothing at all- so you can forget me. Would you like to assume I am forgetting you? I don’t know how to. What more, is I don’t want to. I want to hold you. I love you more than anything I have ever known- or ever will. I have given all the pieces of my heart to you to hold. I do not want them back. They never come back in as good shape as when I handed them away. It’s best you just keep them now. Hand me back no broken heart. Give me back a whole one, or nothing at all. For what love could the shattered bits hold now that would not just seep away? No love at all. So I leave to you, with no obligation- my tattered heart. Do with it as you may. Mend it if you will. Treasure it if you like in a deep corner somewhere, where you remember me. Or give it away to someone else. Use it to shield yourself. Those broken bits have scares that are tough. They could make a formidable coat. My love. . . My last love has been housed in that battered old ruin; the roof's leaking, the walls torn, and the floor soaked with tears. I cannot dwell there anymore. Raze it down, and let it rest in peace. Pieces. . . Let it rest in pieces. I . . .can do no more there- not without you. But I won’t send you this. Don’t worry, you won’t have to bare the pain of me any longer- not unless you seek me out. Seek me out. Seek me out, and I’ll be waiting. Waiting to embrace you- with love that will mend that old ruin back to the mansion it once was, with all its many rooms. One for every memory made- forgotten now. Seek me out and I will find them again and dust off the sorrow of them- the sorrow of love abandoned. In the ash they have laid after the fires dwindle out. Only a smoldering mess of emotions remain. Would that I could put out the fires, if I knew they would only smolder for so long then cool months later. But I don’t know. So there in them I reside for now- sitting at the edge of ruin, looking in at the smoke rising from the ash of my hearts pieces. May it carry the memories with it into the heavens, where they can live out their fates. May it carry me too. I love you.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
. . .
I’ve tried to write you- I try to message. . . But I can only look at an empty box where my words would be. After all, what can one say to the girl who has broken his heart? What will she hear? I love you- what’s the point in saying it. You know I love you. I miss you- I always miss you. You know that. Can I tell you I am broken? Without you- I feel broken. Or would anything I say just be a nuisance- a trouble to hear? I don’t want to trouble you. I just want to hold you. But I can’t say that either. Do you want to hear anything from me? Should I send this- or just let it be. Should I even dare write it for my own sake? Would you rather I say nothing at all- so you can forget me. Would you like to assume I am forgetting you? I don’t know how to. What more, is I don’t want to. I want to hold you. I love you more than anything I have ever known- or ever will. I have given all the pieces of my heart to you to hold. I do not want them back. They never come back in as good shape as when I handed them away. It’s best you just keep them now. Hand me back no broken heart. Give me back a whole one, or nothing at all. For what love could the shattered bits hold now that would not just seep away? No love at all. So I leave to you, with no obligation- my tattered heart. Do with it as you may. Mend it if you will. Treasure it if you like in a deep corner somewhere, where you remember me. Or give it away to someone else. Use it to shield yourself. Those broken bits have scares that are tough. They could make a formidable coat. My love. . . My last love has been housed in that battered old ruin; the roof's leaking, the walls torn, and the floor soaked with tears. I cannot dwell there anymore. Raze it down, and let it rest in peace. Pieces. . . Let it rest in pieces. I . . .can do no more there- not without you. But I won’t send you this. Don’t worry, you won’t have to bare the pain of me any longer- not unless you seek me out. Seek me out. Seek me out, and I’ll be waiting. Waiting to embrace you- with love that will mend that old ruin back to the mansion it once was, with all its many rooms. One for every memory made- forgotten now. Seek me out and I will find them again and dust off the sorrow of them- the sorrow of love abandoned. In the ash they have laid after the fires dwindle out. Only a smoldering mess of emotions remain. Would that I could put out the fires, if I knew they would only smolder for so long then cool months later. But I don’t know. So there in them I reside for now- sitting at the edge of ruin, looking in at the smoke rising from the ash of my hearts pieces. May it carry the memories with it into the heavens, where they can live out their fates. May it carry me too. I love you.
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Well again I could not have said it any better Ammon. Been there done that so to speak. All I can tell you is that women do not feel like you feel and they don't seem to have the ability to feel near as deeply as men do. You might find that a surprising statement and I'm sure every woman would say it's not true but for me I have learned as you are learning the "Hard Way" and when you learn enough you will learn that centering your life around any girl, your love for her, your dreams for her, your concern for her and her happiness is a ****ing waste of time and I no longer do it and find that I am a much happier person now than I have every been prior.
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