There is a darkness in me. It has been there since I was about eleven years old. My faith has kept it at bay. For a time I lost my faith. I forgot who I was. The darkness consumed me then. I let it. I welcomed it. Was I insane? What was reality? I couldn't tell you. I did not know. I knew only to trust my heart. But my heart betrayed me. It lead me to one who would test my faith. One who would make me doubt it. One who would have me believe it was all delusion. I was so lost. I could not balance confusion and love and faith all at once. How could I? My heart said one thing, and my faith said another. I was fooled. The adversary has found a new tool against me. Love. So easily, he deceived me. So easily. I was lost. I lost all faith. I had only what I knew and what I felt. Usually that is enough to keep one on the right side of things. But I needed to trust others. I needed to believe what others told me. To great the risk of losing all, if I get caught up in my own mind again. I needed to trust. And so I did. And so I let that one I had loved so long bleed me. I let my faith run out. And I trusted the lies. My faith is dead. I cannot tell the difference. But I needed it to be so. I needed to be lost so I could make a choice. I have been waiting for the choice to make me, but it will not come. And so I believed a lie. Believing it was of God. For a time, my faith is restored. I pray. I weep. I repent. Almost. But still my heart is divided. I always choose wrong. I have but two options, and I choose the facade. I choose to be fooled.