Once in a life time she comes along, removing titles from all others, and setting the bar beyond the rest. You have one chance; one chance to do everything right. Once chance that everything will be in place; aligned with some higher power- beyond yourself, beyond all else, and beyond any plans you have made. Nothing else matters up to this point in time. This is when everything starts . . . or ends. You will break. You will abandon. You will cower. No plan, no meaning, no vision you could have possibly imagined up to this point could hold any significance now. You’ll only know it when it happens. It didn’t exist before, not even in your most vague imaginings of love, or life beyond your own consciousness. Nothing existed before this. Even the very dust will be reborn, re-imagined. It will overtake you. And then, if conditions are right- if you do everything right . . . if every atom is aligned just so . . . she will either stay, or go.
And you will blame yourself for either outcome. Did I do enough? Didn’t I? Was it fate, or wasn’t it. Or is this? Have I known bliss merely for the knowledge of it? Or was this supposed to happen another way? Is this better?
If life is meant for lessons learned the hard way, and broken hearts so we can learn to get along while broken- endure, I want no part in it. I have lived life’s lessons, but I haven’t lived it. When does life begin again after tearing itself apart by new beginnings? When does the dust settle? Nothing else will matter after this. Let the truth be told.