Judgment

If I am at all good it is because my father preceded me, and if I am in any way bad it is because I've ignored the lessons layed out be him.

At the judgment I will be his advocate for all the lessons I have learned by his example, all the hazards I've been able to avoid, and for all the pain he suffered before me that helped me avoid the same.

My father is no saint, but he has suffered as one for my sake. He's also no example of good living or moral fortitude. He is in fact a man with demons & desires that rule him, just as many are. Had he had no children there would be no virtue in his sin; no lessons learned by his example, no paths blazed through turmoil, followed or avoided. He would have no advocate of this life.

When a man dies he leaves behind his memory and deeds. He is purified by time and distilled into one legacy. That memory falls mostly on his children to maintain or abandon; his foolishness, his savagery, his kindness;failures; successes; whims & fits all are at the mercy of those he leaves behind.

With what emotion should we remember the dead? (And don't say honest- for that is an impossibility when remembering.) Should we be kind & forgiving, even not understanding? Should we be cold and practical, tallying them up like a scoreboard? Should we forgive & forget, moving on and not remembering at all? Do we have a duty to those who've gone before us? If so what when remembering, and what will be our testimony of them on our judgement day?

I don't have children. For that I may be judged. But whatever judgment made against me for having not, I imagine it is little compared to the lack of witnesses I will leave behind when I die. There will be no souls saved by my example; no lessons learned by the next generation. 

Memory of my life will not live on much beyond my final breath; and I will stand before my maker then, and He will ask, what witnesses have you of your works? I will say none. When all my enemies will line up to testify, there will be none to rebut.

Video Games

I used to love playing MMO games. But they all look and feel so old now... like they have been copy & pasting games from 2005 without much overhaul.

The newest and best looking one out there today is New World, but it's so deeply flawed and feels incomplete; beyond the visuals there's not much there.

I've wanted to go back and play some oldies that I never could, like Everquest or whatever, but there's no wonder left in those games, and they're just so clunky.

There are still some slick looking games out there, and there are a few smooth ones that are just solid games like Fortnite and Apex Legends, but then you end up playing the SBMM/"not" SBMM nightmare of a looter-shooter-battle royal. And while those are great for disposable time, they leave you empty, often agitated, and looking for something else.

I miss Star Wars Galaxies. If you missed out on the original release of that game, you have no idea what gaming today should feel like. It was literally everything all in one game: massive multiplayer, open world, pvp, building homes & ships, skill development was insanely tuned and super satisfying; it had career paths that required real time sacrifice of other in game skillz that were rewarding because others chose differently. Becoming a Jedi was rare and not the end goal of everyone because the game was balanced... Running into a guy (another player) of a different faction way out in the mountains and hearing that lightsaber fire up gave you a real life "oh shit!" moment that has never been recreated in games.

And then they gave up on it... idk I guess subs were low and money wasn't working out. Servers started being wiped, the UI was dumbed down, the  skill tree was erased and predetermined, character creation was greatly reduced, and everything was turned into that same clunky feeling that everything since has been.

The wonder was lost. Everybody had a lightsaber; no one had a house; pvp was effectively removed; planets got small and basically closed maps; it all just went to shit and then, just as quickly as it became everything in games, it became nothing, just a box with 6 compact disks full of what was forever gone.

Rumor was it still exists on private servers somewhere with an underground community. I hope that's true. I hope somewhere in the world, some one, and a group of friends, is enjoying it still to this day.

I also hope the industry pull their heads out of eachothers asses and makes something fun again, something that fills the player with wonder and joy, as well as that once in a while "Oh shit!" moment. I'd pay money for that. I'd subscribe to that. And I don't think I'm alone.

SWG was way ahead of its time back then. There was no streaming; there was barely youtube; the online gamer community wasn't so common as it is now, there wasn't the access or exposure that there is today for such a game; Content Creator wasn't even a possibility back then; but if ever there was one game designed for today's gaming community and todays content creator driven industry, it was Star Wars Galaxies.

I hope some one out there is building something as fit for today as SWG with updated artistry, graphics, mechanics, skill development, etc., etc. It's a billion-dollar idea, and the time is ripe.

Evil in your life

Anyone who remembers the days of torrents (when we all stole music and video by the gig download) undoubtably downloaded video files they did not intend, which showed many the absolute worst of humanity.

Everything you think could never happen, or "who would..." has not only happened, but has been recorded and sold online, and even injected onto unsuspecting computer systems around the globe, or in your home.

It is the nature of evil to attract and force more upon those who partake. Stealing a movie, music, or porn are (and always have been) massive portals for evil to consume your life.

And if it's not obvious enough, yes, I did all these things in my youth. That's how I know what is out there. And it's important to note that I'm not simply talking about awful & abusive sexual content that is illegal in most of the world, but videos of murders, rape, dismemberment, grotesque animal abuse, ritualistic acts across those spectrums, and yes, involving children.

I've seen what is out there and it is every bit as evil and more than any story you've ever heard.

This is why when Facebook & Instagram began showing hints of this evil I left those platforms. It is why I only have Twitter. This may be one of the only platforms online that expressly avoids falling into the evil that dominates the dark web and is now bleeding into all cultures.

People don't seem to get just how dangerous the very existence of this evil subculture of humanity actually is to them and everything they love. I touched this culture only briefly nearly 2 decades ago and it nearly cost me my soul, my life, and my family. Everything. It did cost me years of my life and so much of my spirit that I've spent over a decade rebuilding my faith.

I won't give more details because this world will use it against me. But for those out there still thinking that evil is being kept at bay... it isn't. It is already in your home. It has already reached your children. It has already weakened your spirit and threatened the souls and lives of your family.

I was called years ago to lead. I failed. I gave myself over to the evil we fight today on all fronts. God released me and touched my soul, giving me a second chance to not be lost. I am thankful for His mercy and regret every day since I failed you by not rising to the call.

Perhaps in the future He will have use for me again. I hope I will be ready to answer Him then. But for now, as the world turns deeper toward evil things, I can not be silent about what I know we face and how destructive it will be if you don't force it out of your families, your homes, and your souls. 

We must pray more (something I struggle with.)

We must be more charitable.

We must be more pure & honest.

We must call evil what it is and not mince words.

We must not tolerate evil in our lives.

And we must teach the children about Christ, about salvation, and the virtues of all that is good; and we must protect them from evil 24/7 until we no longer have breath in our lungs, because evil will never come up for air; it never sleeps, it never stops, and it is always watching.

If your kids spend an hour a day online, I guarantee they have seen or heard things that have spotted their souls and stained their faith. Talk to them every day about everything in their lives.

This kind of attention would have kept me safe as a young man; it would have fortified me. But instead, I was given an internet capable PC and an afternoon alone with it.

Unless you are aware of how evil travels and influences people through material and actions, there is no defense against it. It will just suddenly be a part of your life, like a parasite that convinces you through its common being that it is part of who you are and what you are expected to be.

It isn't. Cut it off & out of everything.

Life is hard.

Life is not supposed to be easy. Any attempt to make it so is an illusion- a lie. Life is a fight til the death. Nature wants to kill you. Your animals would eat you if they could, your "pets." Most people will not help you & don't care at all when you fail or die. 

The whole point of it all is to overcome as much of it as you can and build relationships that will outlast your death.

Stop listening to people telling you how "it shouldn't be this way" or that it shouldn't be hard. It is fucking hard. It's designed to be hard. It's designed to make us need & rely on eachother for survival as a people, as cultures & as a species, as families.

Figure that out & then we can talk about existentials like God, climate, being stewards over nature, drugs & cultural differences. But if we fool ourselves into thinking life should be easy, none of that matters. Those are big questions, hard questions.

Without understanding the fundamental structure & design of life we will never have the tools or mindset to address the hard questions.

An easy life can only see the easy answers. Get out there and be challenged. Do the hard thing, make the hard choices. Never be comfortable.