On Rumble

 Rumble... 

I have hopes, but they are repeating the same exclusivity pattern with features that Twitter did, giving higher tier access to select accounts behind a secret wall.

Streaming on Rumble is kind of a pain in the ass compared to the ease of youtube or twitch.

It's is forgivable for a small platform starting out, but Rumble is past that. How much did they pay certain personalities to move over there? Yeah, they aren't a little mom and pop app. They want to be with the big boys but have you believe they are just grassroots little guys.

There's a dishonesty in the way Rumble presents itself and runs their site.

You never got that with Parler for example, and we all know what happened there. Rumble isn't going against the main tenant of big tech. If they did they would be at war.

"free speech" is the brand. Rumble is the proving ground as to the financial viability of so called free speech. The truth is that they don't actually care what you say, and never did. They care who says it.

You see some of this same dishonesty in Truth social. It was too close to Parler, people sniffed it out. Parler didn't move to Truth. They came to twitter, now X, and that remains the distinct difference between the so called free speech platforms.

If I were to rank them it would go X 1st, Rumble 2nd, and Truth 3rd, in equal free speech for users. Yet even X has stated that free speech does not equal freed reach; which is that main tenant of big tech: control not what is said, but who gets seen when saying it & when.

Rumble has a looser vision of reach than X or Truth does, but it isn't unfettered. Access to advanced features of the site are limited by status, just as twitter has been. But when Musk & X are opening up their access and transparency Rumble is not.

On X you can now basically see a set of features and their price points. On X, if you want more access to the site and it's features you simple pay for the service. That doesn't exist (yet?) on Rumble.

Although Rumble recently opened up their streaming features to all accounts, it really is just not enough in the long run. The site is a jumbled mess. Features are missing. Features are hidden to smaller accounts without any info on how to achieve them (even twitch has that.) Hopefully this will change.

Hopefully I will see more as my channel there grows. But into what? To what end? Well I guess that's all on me because Rumble doesn't seem to have a long term path for their users. Their vision seems fairly narrow and short sighted. And that's a huge misstep considering they attract (and intend to) the kind of creators that are looking to a longer future.

Woke movie reviews (not what you think)

Blue Beatle is genuinely bad. Maybe the worst written movie I've ever seen.

I don't care about "woke." It's not about that. (Mind you, this is coming from some one who stands my the statement that "Barbie is one of the best, and most important films ever made in my lifetime" and should win best picture. I am  not interested in the politics of woke movies.) Blue Beatle is just bad writing.

The era of visual story telling could be great. Blue Beatle could be great. What messes all these films up is the exposition, every time. It's like they 'draw' the story board first, budget the project based on those visuals, and then plug in writers (because they have to fulfill contracts.) I don't know anything about the industry, but I'd bet money that's exactly what happens with these films, so it's no wonder the writers don't give a $#!t about the product.

It doesn't take a genius to know that when your 'talent' (or employees) don't care about their work, the work suffers.

Barbie is good (even if it is woke) because the people who made that movie cared about what they were producing.

Blue Beatle is bad because those involved clearly don't care. It is just fulfilling a contract- checking boxes and moving on. They didn't care if it was a success, good, or even made money. The boxes got checked & the unions got paid. The product is of little interest.

Visual story telling can work. But when actors get paid by the line, when writers are built into the project, when directors & producers are all on retainer, there's little room for anyone who cares what gets produced. Scenes are overwritten, rushed, incomplete, chopped together... the only people who might have cared about this movie were the editors, and I've got to figure that after a few hours of trying to turn $#!t into gold even they check out and check boxes.

The movie would improve greatly if 90% of the dialogue was cut.

Why I'm pissed. a rant.

I grew up in a world, & country, where things generally worked as advertised. We were told we can be anything, do anything, become anything if we apply ourselves and work hard for it. Maybe... maybe that's still true as it was, for some, but for an increasing majority it becomes less true every day.

Why I'm pissed all the time:

Although the "you can be president" line was never actually true, we understood it to be an ideal that we all strive for. Maybe you couldn't be president, but you could work hard and get close, and maybe- just maybe... It wasn't determined by how much of a sell out you were or how much of your soul you were willing to taint, or even by how much filth, lies, scum & debauchery you were willing to accept of put up with. It was determined by how hard you worked toward it and how dedicated you were willing to be, and none of that required abandoning your principals or beliefs because there was always another door, another opportunity, another group or company that would appreciate those values and your hard work & work ethic.

But no more.

For most of my life I wasn't able to "apply" myself toward any future. I wasn't able to do that until my 20s at the earliest, but by then one's life is often riddled with so much baggage that becoming anything other than what was already primed is usually impossible. And I was primed to be an absolute wreck of a human.

It's an unusual circumstance than, generally speaking, I've found that the only people who begin to understand are those who have escaped a cult or grew up in a 3rd world, impoverished, socially broken country.

I never went to school before college age, apart from a year or two (collectively) scattered across k-4th grade. You can't imagine the trauma of becoming an "adult" and having to figure this life out with no concept of how society actually works; combine that with an extremely introvert personality who is (non-diagnosed) on the spectrum, is dyslexic, and is suffering from several mental health crises like ptsd & schizoid episodes that devolved into delusional, psychotic, & dangerous choices.

Put me in an algorithm and more likely than not I end up dead or in prison.

I was suicidal for the better part of ten years. College & applying myself were low priorities, and really impossible for me.

Yet, I fucking applied myself anyway, and broke free of my programming.

If I were anywhere near the same 20 year old today I probably wouldn't make it. It's so hard to see hope in the world anymore. It's hard to see a future that one can build for themselves that isn't locked behind some social or economic barrier they will never reach. It seems to day that all the pieces in the monopoly game have been take  and the best you can hope for is to watch those lucky enough to get a piece play in futility because the banker is cheating, and everybody knows they cheat but it's their game and everyone wants to play. So it's sitting on the side lines watching the others have "fun" or nothing.

And yes, I know the monopoly game reference dates me. Kids don't play board games anymore.

But this isn't a game. It's life, my life, your life, our children's future, our country.

At some point I made it out of becoming what I was primed to be. I found peace of mind, comfort & hope of a future me that is successful and free of all the bullshit. Luckily I found all that before the world turned into whatever hellscape it is now.

It bothers me deeply that opportunities I was at liberty to squander have been completely removed from the thoughts of younger people. The ideal "we" all subscribe to isn't that 'you can do or become anything if you apply yourself' anymore, but instead has become some twisted vision where we just are or not, nothing to try for, nothing to look forward to, no changing of stripes; If you are broken that's okay, go join the broken ones.

You don't have to be broken. You shouldn't accept this world as it is. It can be better, but you have to make it so. You have to try. You have to apply yourself. You have to break down those hidden barriers and demand more of those you patronize. But in order to do anything, and have power over your future, you must know where power comes from in each given dynamic or system. You have to know the power of economy and your worth as a worker & consumer; but to learn that you have to work hard, apply yourself to what you do, be it for yourself or other, and do everything you can to produce the best product or service you are capable of, and then push yourself to become better at it. This is the only way to learn the power of self worth, the dollar, and the consumer. 

These three are what has been lost from this new world. The lack of self worth, the lack of knowledge of the value of the dollar, the lack of respect of the consumer and knowledge of their worth combined has created a world of static classes with no hope of becoming more than the cast one has been given. (And I say given, not born into for a reason. In this world you are no what you are born, but are what you will be ordained by this world to be. Be it a celebrity or a scrub, it is no longer up to you in any way. It is decided by those with power over you.)

This is why I am so often pissed. Not for my sake most of the time. As I said, I've found comfort and peace. It is for the sake of those born in this world I am pissed. They will grow up not knowing how unnaturally contrived what they will see as normal society is. Certain concepts that have been the trademarks of this passing golden age of humanity will be lost and foreign to them. Concepts like work ethic, costumer service, pride in one's work, ideals, innovation, breaking the mold, etc., are all but lost already to those who remember living with them. 

What hope do the young have when we who remember choose to forget or abandon, to stop fighting for the things that created the greatest age of prosperity in remembered human history? We are priming them for a dark age. That's why I'm pissed. And you should be too.

The 2024 U.S. Presidential Election: A True One Issue Race

The magic of a good salesman is to be able to offer you something so fantastic that it revolutionizes the way you think and present it in such a way of confidence, with credentials, that you will then ask the salesman to confirm the very fantastic thing he just told you.

That was Trumps magic in 2016. "I know the system is corrupt because I use it" was just one of his many revolutionary platform statements. When the salesman makes a statement like that honestly he can sell you anything. Trump did and sold half the country on it.

Fast forward to 2020. Trump was unable to sell anyone anything. It was now the Democrats and Statists that had the fantastic line: he's corrupt! And who did everyone look to for verification? The very source of the fantastic.

Trump was unable to overcome this regardless of how the votes turned out. Too many people were unable to care about 81 million votes for a few reasons:

For starters, Trump was corrupt, he admitted to being so in 2016. That was the double-edged sword of his magic. Nobody forgot it, especially swing voters from the Democratic party.

Second was the Biden (or the Statists') line about "the adults" running things again. People were relieved when they saw windows being covered, magic boxes of Biden votes showing up at 3 am, and pipes bursting- shutting down entire voting populations that would vote for Trump. People were relieved that "they" wouldn't let the con-man back in office to sell them again: because the real betrayal of Trump (to them) is that, as the 'outside' man who saw how corrupt it all was, he never delivered on cleaning out the swamp. Fool me once... and I'll abstain or vote 3rd party, or in the case of the Democratic swing voter who was still in dire straits since 2016 watching their cities burn, voting against Trump was a small consolation they could afford themselves, because they had zero to lose.

So Biden wins 2020 (one way or another, it doesn't matter because in the end it was the magic that made the difference anyway, not the votes.) So how does Trump overcome this in 2024? I don't think he can. I don't think he or his team knows what happened in 2020. Thus, if Trump becomes the Republican nominee he will be set up for disaster. He has already proven that he can't be trusted to "clean up the swamp" so what other platform does he have? "I was robbed" is going to fall on deaf ears of a nation that watched its cities burn, has given in to climate extremism, has record homelessness and drug addiction, and can barely afford to care at all. What is Trump selling us this time?

The only answer Trump can afford is China. If that becomes his platform (and I believe it will) he has a chance again. But will it be enough?

On the other side 2024 the Democrats have the same issue. They have been thoroughly burned on being the "adults in the room" and their great equalizer, Biden, has been proven to be everything they said Trump was on the corruption front in 2016 (and worse for them, with connection to China.) Selling Ukraine isn't going so well since so many Americans are just tired of nation building policies, not to mention the obvious fraud involved there. And stability of any kind, social policies, etc., will get them laughed at in the ballot boxes in every city in America.

So the Democrats have wokism (which is just a brand of the WEF, and a thin veil of Communism...) but name me a Democrat that isn't a communist or Socialist. You can't, because there isn't one. But do the Democrats have the base in numbers large enough to remove the veil and run on Communism? (I hope they think so, because either way, 2024 will be a one issue race: China, or Communism.) It would be nice to simply have these things out in the open for one election in my lifetime.

"Vote Communist" vs "Vote Freedom" seems easy enough. It won't be for many, but it will seem to be for most. Until the votes come in.

In the end it doesn't matter who the nominees are. It only matters if they know what the 2024 election is about. Trump has a weakness of making everything about himself. If he does, if '24 becomes about vindication of retribution for 2020, he is DOA to many voters.

The Democrats, whoever they put forth, will simply be the flavor of the week. The candidate will stand for nothing, speak of nothing, promise everything, and will undoubtedly be against, or for everything depending on the wind; but will ultimately be Communist to their core. They will be anything and everything needed to achieve the power. In any case they will be a magic salesman, of that you can be certain.

Judgment

If I am at all good it is because my father preceded me, and if I am in any way bad it is because I've ignored the lessons layed out be him.

At the judgment I will be his advocate for all the lessons I have learned by his example, all the hazards I've been able to avoid, and for all the pain he suffered before me that helped me avoid the same.

My father is no saint, but he has suffered as one for my sake. He's also no example of good living or moral fortitude. He is in fact a man with demons & desires that rule him, just as many are. Had he had no children there would be no virtue in his sin; no lessons learned by his example, no paths blazed through turmoil, followed or avoided. He would have no advocate of this life.

When a man dies he leaves behind his memory and deeds. He is purified by time and distilled into one legacy. That memory falls mostly on his children to maintain or abandon; his foolishness, his savagery, his kindness;failures; successes; whims & fits all are at the mercy of those he leaves behind.

With what emotion should we remember the dead? (And don't say honest- for that is an impossibility when remembering.) Should we be kind & forgiving, even not understanding? Should we be cold and practical, tallying them up like a scoreboard? Should we forgive & forget, moving on and not remembering at all? Do we have a duty to those who've gone before us? If so what when remembering, and what will be our testimony of them on our judgement day?

I don't have children. For that I may be judged. But whatever judgment made against me for having not, I imagine it is little compared to the lack of witnesses I will leave behind when I die. There will be no souls saved by my example; no lessons learned by the next generation. 

Memory of my life will not live on much beyond my final breath; and I will stand before my maker then, and He will ask, what witnesses have you of your works? I will say none. When all my enemies will line up to testify, there will be none to rebut.

Video Games

I used to love playing MMO games. But they all look and feel so old now... like they have been copy & pasting games from 2005 without much overhaul.

The newest and best looking one out there today is New World, but it's so deeply flawed and feels incomplete; beyond the visuals there's not much there.

I've wanted to go back and play some oldies that I never could, like Everquest or whatever, but there's no wonder left in those games, and they're just so clunky.

There are still some slick looking games out there, and there are a few smooth ones that are just solid games like Fortnite and Apex Legends, but then you end up playing the SBMM/"not" SBMM nightmare of a looter-shooter-battle royal. And while those are great for disposable time, they leave you empty, often agitated, and looking for something else.

I miss Star Wars Galaxies. If you missed out on the original release of that game, you have no idea what gaming today should feel like. It was literally everything all in one game: massive multiplayer, open world, pvp, building homes & ships, skill development was insanely tuned and super satisfying; it had career paths that required real time sacrifice of other in game skillz that were rewarding because others chose differently. Becoming a Jedi was rare and not the end goal of everyone because the game was balanced... Running into a guy (another player) of a different faction way out in the mountains and hearing that lightsaber fire up gave you a real life "oh shit!" moment that has never been recreated in games.

And then they gave up on it... idk I guess subs were low and money wasn't working out. Servers started being wiped, the UI was dumbed down, the  skill tree was erased and predetermined, character creation was greatly reduced, and everything was turned into that same clunky feeling that everything since has been.

The wonder was lost. Everybody had a lightsaber; no one had a house; pvp was effectively removed; planets got small and basically closed maps; it all just went to shit and then, just as quickly as it became everything in games, it became nothing, just a box with 6 compact disks full of what was forever gone.

Rumor was it still exists on private servers somewhere with an underground community. I hope that's true. I hope somewhere in the world, some one, and a group of friends, is enjoying it still to this day.

I also hope the industry pull their heads out of eachothers asses and makes something fun again, something that fills the player with wonder and joy, as well as that once in a while "Oh shit!" moment. I'd pay money for that. I'd subscribe to that. And I don't think I'm alone.

SWG was way ahead of its time back then. There was no streaming; there was barely youtube; the online gamer community wasn't so common as it is now, there wasn't the access or exposure that there is today for such a game; Content Creator wasn't even a possibility back then; but if ever there was one game designed for today's gaming community and todays content creator driven industry, it was Star Wars Galaxies.

I hope some one out there is building something as fit for today as SWG with updated artistry, graphics, mechanics, skill development, etc., etc. It's a billion-dollar idea, and the time is ripe.

Evil in your life

Anyone who remembers the days of torrents (when we all stole music and video by the gig download) undoubtably downloaded video files they did not intend, which showed many the absolute worst of humanity.

Everything you think could never happen, or "who would..." has not only happened, but has been recorded and sold online, and even injected onto unsuspecting computer systems around the globe, or in your home.

It is the nature of evil to attract and force more upon those who partake. Stealing a movie, music, or porn are (and always have been) massive portals for evil to consume your life.

And if it's not obvious enough, yes, I did all these things in my youth. That's how I know what is out there. And it's important to note that I'm not simply talking about awful & abusive sexual content that is illegal in most of the world, but videos of murders, rape, dismemberment, grotesque animal abuse, ritualistic acts across those spectrums, and yes, involving children.

I've seen what is out there and it is every bit as evil and more than any story you've ever heard.

This is why when Facebook & Instagram began showing hints of this evil I left those platforms. It is why I only have Twitter. This may be one of the only platforms online that expressly avoids falling into the evil that dominates the dark web and is now bleeding into all cultures.

People don't seem to get just how dangerous the very existence of this evil subculture of humanity actually is to them and everything they love. I touched this culture only briefly nearly 2 decades ago and it nearly cost me my soul, my life, and my family. Everything. It did cost me years of my life and so much of my spirit that I've spent over a decade rebuilding my faith.

I won't give more details because this world will use it against me. But for those out there still thinking that evil is being kept at bay... it isn't. It is already in your home. It has already reached your children. It has already weakened your spirit and threatened the souls and lives of your family.

I was called years ago to lead. I failed. I gave myself over to the evil we fight today on all fronts. God released me and touched my soul, giving me a second chance to not be lost. I am thankful for His mercy and regret every day since I failed you by not rising to the call.

Perhaps in the future He will have use for me again. I hope I will be ready to answer Him then. But for now, as the world turns deeper toward evil things, I can not be silent about what I know we face and how destructive it will be if you don't force it out of your families, your homes, and your souls. 

We must pray more (something I struggle with.)

We must be more charitable.

We must be more pure & honest.

We must call evil what it is and not mince words.

We must not tolerate evil in our lives.

And we must teach the children about Christ, about salvation, and the virtues of all that is good; and we must protect them from evil 24/7 until we no longer have breath in our lungs, because evil will never come up for air; it never sleeps, it never stops, and it is always watching.

If your kids spend an hour a day online, I guarantee they have seen or heard things that have spotted their souls and stained their faith. Talk to them every day about everything in their lives.

This kind of attention would have kept me safe as a young man; it would have fortified me. But instead, I was given an internet capable PC and an afternoon alone with it.

Unless you are aware of how evil travels and influences people through material and actions, there is no defense against it. It will just suddenly be a part of your life, like a parasite that convinces you through its common being that it is part of who you are and what you are expected to be.

It isn't. Cut it off & out of everything.

Life is hard.

Life is not supposed to be easy. Any attempt to make it so is an illusion- a lie. Life is a fight til the death. Nature wants to kill you. Your animals would eat you if they could, your "pets." Most people will not help you & don't care at all when you fail or die. 

The whole point of it all is to overcome as much of it as you can and build relationships that will outlast your death.

Stop listening to people telling you how "it shouldn't be this way" or that it shouldn't be hard. It is fucking hard. It's designed to be hard. It's designed to make us need & rely on eachother for survival as a people, as cultures & as a species, as families.

Figure that out & then we can talk about existentials like God, climate, being stewards over nature, drugs & cultural differences. But if we fool ourselves into thinking life should be easy, none of that matters. Those are big questions, hard questions.

Without understanding the fundamental structure & design of life we will never have the tools or mindset to address the hard questions.

An easy life can only see the easy answers. Get out there and be challenged. Do the hard thing, make the hard choices. Never be comfortable.

Brownie

I had a cat I found in my grandmother's bushes. He was one of four to a stray that she had befriended. We captured her when the kittens had yet to open their eyes and put them in a closet.

It was a large litter of 8 or 9 and her second batch; the first yielding only 1 pitch black male the year before. They would wonder out into the grass and die. So we tried to save them.

It worked. The five survived. Momma took to the closet in an open garage where babies stayed warm and corralled. Momma became grandma's pet and the rest were adopted around the neighborhood. 1 I took and named Brownie because of his little brown nose and face.

Brownies brother from the other litter stayed close by during the day. I tried many times to get him to come to me but he would always run just when I got close enough to touch him.

One day I decided I was going to catch that black cat. He would walk around meowing as if daring anyone. I'd sit in the grass and he'd come up to me and lay down just out of reach. Every time I'd move towards him he would distance himself and lay back down.

I finally just chased him. 😃 At first he out ran me, but then slowed down. We did that dance a few times until I ran right up on him like I was going to trample him. To my surprise and amusement, he then flopped on his back and started purring loudly as I reached out and touched him for the first time.

I pet him for a moment, then he ran off for the day.

From then on every time I saw him in the neighborhood I would run up on him and he would flop over for me. Otherwise he was utterly feral.

Brownie carried on this tradition even though he was very tame (to me.) The first year of his life he knew no one but me. We lived out of an '02 Buick Century parked around the corner of Walmart & occasionally in front of my grandmother's house.

To anyone else Brownie was a wild thing.

When we moved into a house he became feral. He roamed the street meowing at all hours. I'd call him in and some times he would come and flop before my feet.

Eventually he brought home friends. One had a litter of kittens near the same spot as the litter today, in an old shed. Most of those ran off or died. Some where adopted. But one decided the outdoors was not for her, as I found her sleeping in a potted planter inside one day (just as Brownie did as a kitten with his siblings.)

We named her Eliza.

Since then there have been several litters by strays born in or near that same spot. Some disappeared when discovered & some didn't survive the winters. Others grew and moved on or were likely killed by neighbor dogs or humans (we had a bit of a cat problem for a while.)

Each litter bares Brownies same striping, which isn't uncommon; but nearly every litter that survives spawns one who will roam the neighborhood meowing at all hours.

Brownie hasn't been seen in a few years, but every once in a while I still hear him crying as he walks past my front window. Most times I look and see nothing. But some times I catch a glimpse of a striped cat, a bit on the small side, with what I presume is a brown little nose just waiting to be booped.

I don't know what generation this is, but judging from the mother's size and temperament, and the curiosity I see in these little faces, I'd say Brownie's legacy of lives on in them. These five look very familiar.

The offspring of Eliza:

The Brownie Flop:

Eliza & her new best friend:

The Legend himself, Brownie:

Wonder, Dimensions & Agency (or Free Will) in a Simulation

Thinking "extra" dimensions means parallel universes that exist outside our physical existence yet bound by the same physics in their own universe may be the greatest blunder of science fiction.

Parallel universes don't exist.

"Extra" dimensions do. It's about perspective.

I'm not a physicist (obviously.) I am a thinker. And as a thinker I can only think within the bounds of my imagination. There is no such thing as original thought, so having ideas presented to me that spark my imagination in new ways is critical-  and for scientists too.

Because science starts with imagination; it starts with a question. But before the question comes sight. You can not question what you can not 'see' in some way. All sight requires imagination. Our conciousness creates realities- or dimemsions (unseen & not physical, but real.)

*Wonder is the source of all intelligence. (*denotes an idea in infancy.)

Wonder is not simply imagining. Wonder isn't always concious. Wonder is a process. Wonder is intellegence in progress.

The opposite of this wonder is certainty; absolute finite rule of process that achieves an organized predicted outcome.

Ironically science has become the opposite of wonder.

Back to dimemsions:

"Parallel universes" aren't "real" but they do exist. It's a paradox. They exist in wonder. They exist in thought. They exist in dreams.

They exist to give us agency in a physical existence where there is none. A paradox: agency in a "simulation."

We live in a Choose Your Own Adventure book. All of the paths have been written but we get to choose one. Dimensions beyond our percieved universe allow this agency (or free will) even when all other options are off the table and our path is pre-determined.

We can still access all the other possible choices of our actions through wonder, and doing so we access other dimemsions & "universes" beyond the bounds of physics. Because wonder isn't bound by certainty.

This is the design.

Courage to fail

Being 42 years old and having not successfully built anything for myself messes with my head. I have to remind myself daily that this isn't a race, I'm not defined by what I don't have, and you can't take this life with you when you die anyway.

I have plenty of excuses. A late in life diagnosis of asbergers, I was taken out of school at the 4th grade, I am an extreme introvert & all else you can infer from those conditions; add in a disfunctional family environment too.

I used to excuse myself as being ten years behind in general. At 30 I'd see 20 yr olds so far ahead... at 40 I see 30 yr olds now where I thought I would be today. But that's the trap- and it doesn't matter the age.

I have my own personal weaknesses. They have theirs. In the end we all die and leave it all behind.

I used to be mentally unstable. I spent my 20s sorting that out. To the world I was wasting a decade of my prime. In reality I was securing myself a future. My 30s I spent thinking and just trying to be a good human. Again, to the world, I was wasting my time; lazy and unmotivated.

I met my wife in those years. Amazingly she sticks with me. So maybe I was building something. Maybe when we are focused on ourselves the last thing we build is ourselves.

At the end of my 20s I killed myself- the end of a decade of sorting myself out ended in a suicide. Maybe there's a lesson in that.

At 32 I have myself over to just being. I spent a lot of time outside, taking care of my mother's yard, trying to be available to others. I gave up completely on building anything of my own. Then I met my wife.

10 years later I have a life I never expected; a wife, a house, 2 little dogs. I didn't buildt it. It was given me. What I did was stop racing with the world and made myself available to it. I would have none of it today if I didn't learn thay one lesson in life and literally kill that version of myself.

I don't recommend suicide but I do understand how people get there. Still today I could compare my life to my generational peers and feel completely useless. But I'd have to discount everything my life is, all the good. That's exactly what I did when I killed myself before. It's a trap that anyone can fall in to.

Life isn't about what we don't have; it isn't even about what we do. Life is about building the kingdom of god. That's not a religious point, it's a point of fact. Whatever you are putting your energy into will be a god over you; your career, your family, your peers, your causes will all rule over you with supernatural powers.

Build the kingdom of God. In otherwords: be good. When you do you make yourself available to the good that will come your way.

I'm not there yet. I still have all those issues in this world; I still have a lot to catch up on. But being available to the future means not getting bogged down by the past or the now, or the what ifs and the have nots of life.

Suicide is a growing problem in the world. Too many people are being told they are defined by their failures and by what they aren't. 

Too many kinds are falling into the trap of thinking they need to race their peers through life goals.

Too many adults are being told they have to catch up, conform or get left behind.

Too many are being told that opting out is the better option, even a virtue to humanity.

But all of them are members of God's kingdom. There is no opting out, there is only what we choose to build. Misery is a choice. Suicide doesn't end misery or sadness. It creates more.

Suicide is a selfish act. It also takes a lot of courage. To anyone thinking about it I would ask that you please don't rob this world of your courage. It is in short supply here and we need yours.

Ironically, it is your courage that is being manipulated by social media and world culture and is the key to standing against the world saying "f- off, I can do it my way."

But when trapped in rat-race thinking courage becomes a burden, and placement seems paramount.

More

I will die. I know. What will I leave behind but unfulfilled desires and spent aspiration? My legacy, so familiar, so common. . . forgotten. Too sad to recall, or too uninspiring. 

I wasn't supposed to be here at all. I gave up, threw in the towel, killed myself years ago- years before anyone would have questioned my forgotten life. I could have been so much. There could have been so much more; more to write; more to see; more to experience; to know; to love; more to lose. 

Death would have secured my legacy of missed opportunities. It would have ensured people remembered me as all the things I could have been.

But now, in life, outliving my design, where is all I could have been? Where is the music, the knowledge, the experience, losses & loves? Where are the aspirations and potential?

Squandered! A legacy lost. In life I am as common as I ever feared I would become. Too common to remember; too common to stand out. The years of life I never intended to have... they could have been so much more to remember. They could have been anything you wanted; I could have been anything you wanted to remember me as. But now, alive, the bar is so high for attention, for legacy, that I'd almost rather be forgotten entirely.

No legacy, no sadness, no loss. No more.

But I am here, God damn me! I am HERE! Alive. Should I die again and be all that which I never wanted to become? Should I give up again and resign myself to being a lost cause and hopeless case? Has potential passed out of me? Is there not always more to see, more to learn, more to love, regardless of who else knows it? Experience isn't for them. Legacy isn't for the record keepers. It's for those who live it and leave it behind. I was never here for you.

I will die. This I know. And I leave behind so much more than any mortal will ever know. Legacy isn't temporal after all. Legacy is eternal. It is not bound by this life or any rememberance in it. I am a triumph- nomatter what is remembered or forgotten. I am that I am! And I am eternal. My legacy is eternal. And etrrnal is so much more. More, infinitely so.

This God damned life- yes it is damned- damned to be mortal, damned to be temporal- is only a part of my story. It is not my legacy. For I will conquer this life. I will triumph over death. I will exist erernal no matter who knows it or remembers my life.

One cannot opt out of eternal. One cannot simply give up their legacy. It simply is. Who then should remember me but me? Who then should I quit on? 

I quit the world. I will not leave it defeated, forgotten. But I will leave it behind me. It will I forget.

Time is the great teacher. Borrowed time has the deepest lessons. But all time in this life is borrowed. But not all see. We are so much more than this life. We are more than everything ever forgotten by mortals, or ever known. Legacy cannot be found here. Neither can it be rememered in life. For it can only be seen from beyond the veil of death.

I will die. I aspire toward it. What will I leave behind- how will I be remembered? Nothing and not at all. I refuse to be remembered. I will wait to be known. I refuse to part myself out to this mortal machine. I will save the whole of me for the eternal, for legacy everlasting. 

I will use this borrowed time to remember who I am designated to be by my creator. God may damn this life. It is his to do so. I will not be damned of myself nor him for thinking it is mine. Mine is granted after death. And after death will I live my legacy. Rather than be remembered I will be known by all who matter; and forgotten by the forgot.

Movies

When did feminism turn gay? Why does nearly every female ensamble in film have to have a lesbian angle?

I watch a lot of movies (opinion) and I enjoy female leads (basically I'd rather lool at pretty things than not,) but finding good movies with female leads is nearly impossible.

Why? This is a new thing in films as they have turned woke. Pre-2015 (ish) this wasn't as big of a problem. Sure, there was always the sexualization of women in film, but making women boring in film isn't the solution to that.

Why not just write a good script and plug in good actors? Are the writers still on strike? Did they all get fired?

Blows my mind that people making films think the answer to equity in film is making bad films. That's the job of student film and independents, not professionals. The standard has dropped so low it seems.

Anyway... go watch a movie. Support the industry. Then REVIEW them. Don't trash them just give honest opinions.

Also, stop watching crap. They don't need your encouragement. Weak & bad film makers and writers need to be ostracized, culled or edified.

Rant: in drag on the silver screen

preface:

 https://twitter.com/chadfelixg/status/1665713471193772035?t=QTuuP6TPcss56HohmcP-Tw&s=19

And comments.

Rant in response:

Yes & no. In the comments some one mentions Max Clinger from MASH. . . 

While yes, that's the joke, there's an obvious motivation in hollywood history to make this joke as often as they could get an actor in drag, and only with the stars. It is never a side character. 

So who is the butt of the drag joke really? But it's also an old tradition in show dating back to Shakespeare and further for different reasons. 

Shakespear played it up to satirize his oppressive culture where the art of show was concerned; PT Barnum made the Bearded Lady a standard joke. 

Then there was Vaudville that came creeping into everything show, and from Vaudville came much of Hollywood. So American t.v. & movies of the past don't get such an easy excuse. Their roots have always been politically & morally activist in nature. The joke was never that Bing Crosby made an ugly woman; the joke was on Big Crosby. 

Progressives have always hated the standard of human success and those who became its figureheads. You just never got the real joke because it was never funny. 

It was never about being funny. It was always about upending social norms that create success. And now we are at the end game when you will own nothing, have no rights, and must accept what you thought was a joke in good fun as normal reality and good. 

The con is so much longer than people realize. 

End of rant.

Strange

100% certain that the fabric of our universe is in flux or being effected  in a way that alters reality, history, future, and the passage of time.

I have always struggled with time. I is different for me than everyone I've ever met. Can't explain it but my time is not the same as yours. Time is fluid & erratic. It is not a constant speed or influence. Think of it as the difference betweem whem you are awake vs dreaming to get a sense of what I mean.

That's one factor. Time is moving now more often in the universe as it does in your dreams.

Another factor is multiple realities intertwined as one. You may have a different history than the person next to you, events that never happened etc. Just as in a dream all are true at the same time even when impossible.

People started noticing this years ago and coind the term Mandela effect, for reasons you can look up (maybe?) Another example was Shazam, the blue/gold/black/brown dress, and more.

I've come to believe that all are true. Quantum physics is not a minuscule world that governs only the very small, but in fact governs all matter in the same maner. We just never noticed it before because people have always bickered and fought.

This may well explain UFOs, ghosts, the spiritual realm, false memories, cultural hysterics, the odd things like invention happening around the world in isolation by seperate people at the same time- ideas and culture that seem universal yet independently created.

Could explain a lot about "history." 

It could also explain abilities humans have that we stiffle and relegate to the super natural; things like visions, prophecy, a 6th sense, karma, luck, etc.

All my life I have had visions of future events in my life in dreams. It is as common to me as seeing a blue bird. These events always play out exactly as I've seen them years before, in places I may never have been before that moment. They are just glimpses of reality not yet, exactly portrayed down to every emotion, blade of grass or spec of dust catching sunlight.

I also see something else in my dreams from time to time. Another reality- and pieces of time from it. It is not this earth or these cities, yet they are; not this future or time, but possibly both... it gets very confusing to think on.

All of this leads me to a truth of my existence, and that is that I know nothing that God doesn't allow me to see, and even that is so limites by my mind & body that I only see pieces of it.

Your reality may not be what you think it is. More importantly, it may not be the same as others'.

It's not simulation theory- but I think that idea is part of it all. It's not science fiction or delusion either. The nature of reality is being revealed. Why? Perhaps humans have grown. Or perhaps we are running out of time.

Perhaps God is near us and we are begining to experience the universe in a way we do not comprehend. Perhaps the mortal existence is too limited to see the whole of reality around us, but is still effected by it.

If you read revelations there is a lot of prophecy we can't see existing as we understand the universe to be. But what if what we understand of reality is like the perspective of an ant to our world?

Hold nothing dear but your God. Times are going to become more erratic, more difficult to hold on to this mortal understanding. Tomorrow may be a year away for some, and yesterday for others.

What IS

In life there is far less "good & bad" than we believe. For the most part there is only life, & the vast majority of it is neither good nor bad.

There IS life and there is what goes against life- that which we call sin or "bad."

Secularism teaches us that most of life is bad, something we need to adjust and alter for our temporal well being.

Religions teach us that life IS, and that we need only alter ourselves to align with it eternally.

A cult teaches that life is (note lowercase) but you have no power over it or yourself unless you pay dues to a temporal god, or prophet, or being, or man, or whatever serves the temporal needs of the institution (financially & otherwise.)

So what is "IS" and what is "is" becomes of great concern when seaking life- any life. Neither do you have "control" over, & both require giving yourself to a god.

This is why people choose a secular "life." But life IS, therefore a secular life will always find itself serving a lowercase god or "is." Which creates a secular "is" for the purpose of controlling it; because if there is no God life becomes something of one's own making. IS becomes I.

So life is 1 of 3 things: it IS, it is, or it's I.

This all gets confusing so most people replace "is" & "IS" with other things, good, bad, etc. And because vanity rules the self "I" becomes either "i" or "they, them, etc."

Because secularism is a mirror. It can only elevate one's self or reflect the lack of others. To the secular vision there is no mirror- they cannot see what IS- to them there is the image in the mirror and/or the world in the mirror, but never what is behind the mirror or what is in the other room.

Seeing what IS (by now you should recognize the capital is as acknowledgment of God, capital) becomes crucial for any soul seeking answers of their existence.

Seeing what "is" (lowercase) requires only what is easiest, and often leads one to outsource their life to another force; do what it requires and it provides what it can. 

"I" requires a denial of all things outside what one desires to be. And "i" is a surrender to all the other "I" & "is" perspectives of the temporal world; it is a hopeless compliance to what "is" with no acknowledgment of what "IS" life.

So what is life?

It is a plan. Following the plan of life brings further life, and life beyond life. Going against it brings despair; doing so we call "bad" or "sin," but these words are temporal aproximations of their meaning.

What IS is life eternal. What "is" is whatever you can muster before you die.

Most of us live a combination of "life is," life IS," & "i or I" want existence.

But there is only one existence, and it is eternal. Live for more than the life in the mirror; whether it's the image you see, that mysterious world of the other you, or the desire of what may be in those other rooms, it is all an illusion.

Coming

There will come a time when the wise will grow tired of explaining and all who will hear will have heard. That time is close.

And in that time there will be no justice, no forgiveness, no unity of peoples. The wise will go quietly because there will be no words that haven't already been spoken.

There will be no pretence or hidden places. The judged will be met with judgement where ever they find themselves, their hidden spaces revealed, their sactuaries destroyed. The righteous and wicked alike.

Jesus is coming

Jesus is coming soon. Be worthy of his grace.

That's not a condemnation, it's a prayer from one sinner to the next, to those who have ears to hear.

I doubt my own value to Him every single day as I prove my level of faith. It is small- so small that I forget that he has called me.

I forget because of the pressures of this life and my shortcomings to the world. I forget because I live in and of the world instead of in and of the gospel of Jesus.

I fail daily to recognize Him and his miracles. I fail daily to thank Him for  the blessings I recieve. I fail daily at having faith in Him and following the pathways he puts before me.

Most days I would rather have faith in myself. I'd rather carve my own path and destiny as this world tells me is noble and prized. I want to be remembered... I want to be known, to be validated in my deeds and achievements.

But who will validate me more than Him? Who sees me better for my deeds than the Lord? And who will remember me more than God?

And who else will see beyond my sin to that potential he created, and draw it out to its fullest? Surely not this world. And surely not I alone who fails so often to even know it.

The Lord is coming. I would rather  He only know my name and be pleased with me, than to have fame in a world that cannot see that I was created for His purpose and with great potential beyond this life.

Adam was a vegitarian

Little know fact: Adam (the first mam) and everyone until Noah was a vegetarian (probably vegan other than the sacrifices) by God's command. They also live a very long time.

It wasn't until after the flood, a litteral batism of the earth, that mankind was then commanded to eat animals. People started dying much younger.

People think liberals are, well, crazy- that all these fads and modern mind viruses are sourced of evil, or at least not of God and the natural order of things.

I believe we live in a time when God's most valiant children are being born and walk the earth. I believe their instincts are tuned to a higher state of living, a time closer to that garden paradise when meat was fruits & vegitables not rabbits & cows.

Yet, we live in this earth. We live on a planet changed by the flood, a lesser world than before- a more temporal, mortal earth; a earth not only subject to human rule but also to the imfluences & whims of living demons. All under God's law & supervision. 

The highest form of this earth proved to be too unsuited for even the first man; the second too unsuited for his decendents who grew ripe with pride in their own ways.

And so, for many generations, humans lived in a world that proved worse than them; to keep them in their place as a constant reminder to need God, to love God, and to depend on his law and order to survive.

Today we yearn for an old world. We long to rule over earth as did those first generations of Adam. In fact we might even have brought to pass that same state of being as we build greater cities & technologies; as we propell ourselves into space & reach for new planets & new horizons of mind, spirit, & body.

It only stands to reason that as we push forward to new hights as a species, as we reach levels of arogance and hubris achievements as no generation has before, that we as a species will also reach closer to God and that long lost paradise of Eden. As we do we inevitably sense the order of God under which those things once existed here on earth. Thus the drive to live by higher commandments given to generations of the past, especially for those whose spirits are more enclined to live by them. 

But we must not forget that in this world there are demons who pervert all that is, was, and will be good. Humans have conquered the world that once threatened our very survival here and have forsaken the demons that used to rule the unfavored. 

But today, as we threaten by our very virtue to bring about a transformation of the world to an older and higher order of God, those demons are threatened by us. They are snakes backed into the corners of our past, and are lashing out violently at all truths. They corrupt the will & intuition of valiant souls. They plant seeds in liberal minds that grow to consume or smother genuine virtues.

Do not forsake them. These are the valiant sons amd daughters of God.  It would be a terrible misstep of believers to cast off those who fall into disarray in their lives while seeking a higher order of God's law because we do not fully understand or accept the force behind that drive. We should be fighting demons not eachother. 

So how to fight demons off? We easy: truth. You might think that acknowledging that Adam was probably a vegan and definately a vegitarian to be a trivial issue. "So what?" You might say, dismissively. But to do so is to dismiss a simple truth of our history, prupose, and the commandments of God. Woe unto those that dismiss even the smallest of truths, for truth is the law of God.

We have lost so many simple truths. Corrupting truth is how demons gain power. The math is simple: the further from truth we become the further from God, and thus susceptible to the influence of evil; and the liberal mind by virtue of its openness should be mindful of this principle. When you lose even the slightest grip of what is true you begin to separate yourself from God.

As humanity strives to reach beyond our stewardship we must cling to even the smallest of truths.