Why I'm pissed. a rant.

I grew up in a world, & country, where things generally worked as advertised. We were told we can be anything, do anything, become anything if we apply ourselves and work hard for it. Maybe... maybe that's still true as it was, for some, but for an increasing majority it becomes less true every day.

Why I'm pissed all the time:

Although the "you can be president" line was never actually true, we understood it to be an ideal that we all strive for. Maybe you couldn't be president, but you could work hard and get close, and maybe- just maybe... It wasn't determined by how much of a sell out you were or how much of your soul you were willing to taint, or even by how much filth, lies, scum & debauchery you were willing to accept of put up with. It was determined by how hard you worked toward it and how dedicated you were willing to be, and none of that required abandoning your principals or beliefs because there was always another door, another opportunity, another group or company that would appreciate those values and your hard work & work ethic.

But no more.

For most of my life I wasn't able to "apply" myself toward any future. I wasn't able to do that until my 20s at the earliest, but by then one's life is often riddled with so much baggage that becoming anything other than what was already primed is usually impossible. And I was primed to be an absolute wreck of a human.

It's an unusual circumstance than, generally speaking, I've found that the only people who begin to understand are those who have escaped a cult or grew up in a 3rd world, impoverished, socially broken country.

I never went to school before college age, apart from a year or two (collectively) scattered across k-4th grade. You can't imagine the trauma of becoming an "adult" and having to figure this life out with no concept of how society actually works; combine that with an extremely introvert personality who is (non-diagnosed) on the spectrum, is dyslexic, and is suffering from several mental health crises like ptsd & schizoid episodes that devolved into delusional, psychotic, & dangerous choices.

Put me in an algorithm and more likely than not I end up dead or in prison.

I was suicidal for the better part of ten years. College & applying myself were low priorities, and really impossible for me.

Yet, I fucking applied myself anyway, and broke free of my programming.

If I were anywhere near the same 20 year old today I probably wouldn't make it. It's so hard to see hope in the world anymore. It's hard to see a future that one can build for themselves that isn't locked behind some social or economic barrier they will never reach. It seems to day that all the pieces in the monopoly game have been take  and the best you can hope for is to watch those lucky enough to get a piece play in futility because the banker is cheating, and everybody knows they cheat but it's their game and everyone wants to play. So it's sitting on the side lines watching the others have "fun" or nothing.

And yes, I know the monopoly game reference dates me. Kids don't play board games anymore.

But this isn't a game. It's life, my life, your life, our children's future, our country.

At some point I made it out of becoming what I was primed to be. I found peace of mind, comfort & hope of a future me that is successful and free of all the bullshit. Luckily I found all that before the world turned into whatever hellscape it is now.

It bothers me deeply that opportunities I was at liberty to squander have been completely removed from the thoughts of younger people. The ideal "we" all subscribe to isn't that 'you can do or become anything if you apply yourself' anymore, but instead has become some twisted vision where we just are or not, nothing to try for, nothing to look forward to, no changing of stripes; If you are broken that's okay, go join the broken ones.

You don't have to be broken. You shouldn't accept this world as it is. It can be better, but you have to make it so. You have to try. You have to apply yourself. You have to break down those hidden barriers and demand more of those you patronize. But in order to do anything, and have power over your future, you must know where power comes from in each given dynamic or system. You have to know the power of economy and your worth as a worker & consumer; but to learn that you have to work hard, apply yourself to what you do, be it for yourself or other, and do everything you can to produce the best product or service you are capable of, and then push yourself to become better at it. This is the only way to learn the power of self worth, the dollar, and the consumer. 

These three are what has been lost from this new world. The lack of self worth, the lack of knowledge of the value of the dollar, the lack of respect of the consumer and knowledge of their worth combined has created a world of static classes with no hope of becoming more than the cast one has been given. (And I say given, not born into for a reason. In this world you are no what you are born, but are what you will be ordained by this world to be. Be it a celebrity or a scrub, it is no longer up to you in any way. It is decided by those with power over you.)

This is why I am so often pissed. Not for my sake most of the time. As I said, I've found comfort and peace. It is for the sake of those born in this world I am pissed. They will grow up not knowing how unnaturally contrived what they will see as normal society is. Certain concepts that have been the trademarks of this passing golden age of humanity will be lost and foreign to them. Concepts like work ethic, costumer service, pride in one's work, ideals, innovation, breaking the mold, etc., are all but lost already to those who remember living with them. 

What hope do the young have when we who remember choose to forget or abandon, to stop fighting for the things that created the greatest age of prosperity in remembered human history? We are priming them for a dark age. That's why I'm pissed. And you should be too.